Nightingale
by Moon.2484
Summary: “You’re my nightingale, Usako. You bring me out of the darkness and chase my demons away with your light.” He said as he looked at her his gaze solely fixed on her.


Hi guys, so I made this fic after I listened to Demi Lovato's "Nightingale", I love that song for some reason I automatically thought of Mamoru and Usagi.

For those of you that haven't heard it, go and listen to it, it's a beautiful song sung by a very talented young woman.

Anyway, as you know, I don't own Sailor Moon or any of its characters…. but please go ahead and read on.

Enjoy!

...

Thunder echoed in the background, as lightning flashed across the night sky. The wind howled, rain drenching her to her very core. She could hear the drops of rain mixed with her labored breathing, the water splashing under her covered feet as she ran.

Fear crept from the pit of her stomach reaching all the way to the tips of her numbed fingers. Her heart thumped violently against her rib cage.

She caught another glimpse of lightning, followed by another resounding wave of thunder. Usagi picked up her pace. She felt the fear consuming her alive. It wasn't her fear she was feeling. It was Mamoru's.

It had been days since she last saw him. The fight against Galaxia had taken a toll on all of them. While her and the girls hadn't separated since their return, Mamoru was a different story. He distanced himself, isolating himself from her, the girls, and even his best friend Motoki. He consumed all of his time on his studies. Usagi knew better, but she also trusted that with time he would come to her. That didn't happen. He even went as far as blocking his side of their bond.

Usagi toppled hard against the wet concrete as another booming sound of thunder roared throughout the city. Landing on her knees, she barely noticed the pain of her now scraped up and bleeding legs. She let out a loud gasp as she clutched a hand to her heart. Another wave of anger, self doubt, violent rage of disgust filled her entire senses. Tonight, Mamoru's side of the bond held nothing back. A whimper broke out from her. She could feel his pain-filled anguish as if it were her own.

She needed to get to him.

Usagi almost slipped as water dripped off of her drenched clothes as it landed on the shiny marble floor of the lobby. She skidded to a stop as she reached the elevator. Slamming the "up" button, she pushed the button impatiently. Not moving fast enough, she let out a frustrated growl and ran toward the stairs.

Finally reaching his floor, Usagi didn't bother to catch her breath. Ignoring the sharp pain from her lungs, she made way toward Mamoru's door. Fumbling with her spare key she heard a loud crash from the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath she let herself in.

She was met with darkness as she stood in the middle of Mamoru's genkan. But even in the dark she could tell the place was a mess. She could faintly make out the shadows of his overturned couch, the coffee table tipped over, broken lamps and a vase shattered on the floor.

The room was silent. She stood still, too afraid to move. From the inside she could clearly make out the heavy rainfall as it hit his sliding door, the booming thunder in the distance. Taking another deep breath, she took a tentative step when she heard a loud sob.

The lightning faintly illuminated his body. There next to the overturned couch was Mamoru, his head in his hands, his body rocking back and forth on his knees. Usagi stood frozen on the spot, tears pooling in her eyes as she saw him visibly shake from his silent sobs. She heard as another heart wrenching sob escaped from him followed by muffled words.

'Why, why, why… this is… why can't you let us be happy!?'

Usagi pressed a hand against her mouth to keep the whimper from coming out as she watched him slam a fist against the floor.

'Fuck!… Dammit...we've been through hell and back plenty of times just to keep this stupid planet alive—'

She saw as he pulled his hair in desperation.

'Don't we deserve some happiness… I can't ...why can't...why!?'

He slammed his fist repeatedly on the floor. It was the crunching of broken glass that made Usagi react. She hastily made her way toward him, throwing herself in front of him, not caring in the least if she landed on broken glass.

Tears fell from her eyes as Mamoru's shaking became more frantic. Tentatively, she lifted his head with both hands to face her. "Mamo-chan—"her voice broke as she met his eyes.

They weren't the same beautiful shade of midnight blue she loved. What she saw made her shudder. His eyes were dull, haunted, and openly exhausted. Unveiling the pain he felt.

Cupping his face gently, she brought him to meet her gaze. Sad, somber blue eyes looked at her as she used the pad of her thumbs softly wiping away his tears.

"Usako?" His voice croaked.

"I'm right here Mamo-chan—"

He didn't let her finish as he threw his arms around her midsection, hugging her in a tight grip. Mamoru let out another heart wrenching sob as he buried his face against her stomach.

"I'm so— sorry Usako…" He was trembling viciously against her wet form, his grip tightening a little more.

"I don't— I'm so sorry for everything." His choked sobs pained her heart in a way she'd never felt before. Not knowing what came over him or what to say she let the tears fall freely as she crouched her head toward his and gently massaged his scalp in a soothing and comforting motion.

They stayed in that position for a few minutes before Mamoru continued to mumble against her wet shirt.

"I— I don't deserve you Usako. You shouldn't be with me—."

Sitting upright abruptly, she cupped his face none too gently as she brought him leveled with her. She grabbed his face in a firm hold, her tear stained face with a stern look.

"Stop it. You listen to me—" she whispered harshly. His wide eyes met hers. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again, you hear me. I love you Mamo-chan."

"I'm not good for you—"

"Mamo-chan you ARE the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you."

He tried to shake his head but Usagi tightened her grip on his face. "I don't know what's gotten into you or what's going on through that thick skull of yours but I love you and I'm NOT going ANYWHERE." Determination and love in her voice.

Mamoru's pain filled eyes softened, tears spilling from his eyes. "Usa, I—

"Shhh" She pecked his lips softly. "Don't. We'll talk tomorrow, you need some sleep", she whispered brokenly. He nodded mutely. Even in the dim lit room she could see his dark circles from lack of sleep.

She brought them up to stand. As she weaved them through the mess toward his bedroom, she felt something wet and sticky between their interlaced hands. Once they reached his bedroom she turned the light on only to see his hand covered in blood. "Let's get you cleaned up Mamo-chan."

After cleaning his battered hand she helped him change into his pajama bottoms and white tee. Deciding to clean herself up as well, she took a quick shower after throwing her damp clothes into his dryer.

Coming out of the bathroom in one of his t-shirts she ran her fingers through her wet hair, she paused in his dark bedroom when she heard a noise. As a flash of lightning illuminated the room she heard a pain filled whimper escape Mamoru's lips.

She rushed toward his bed as she saw him kicking and thrashing against his sheets. Sweat beaded off his forehead as his breathing came out heavy, his face contorted in tortured affliction.

She tried to wake him, but his thrashing only grew more violent, mumbling incoherent words.

"No. No, stop..."

With each passing second his voice grew louder and frantic.

"Don't make me hurt her...please!"

She tried shaking his shoulders a little harder. "Mamo-chan wake up!"

"Do whatever you want with me... just please leave her alone!"

Letting out another whimper.

"Usako!" he shouted, his voice filled with agonizing and tormented pain.

He abruptly sat up almost knocking her over. His breath coming out heavier than before. She was about to reach a hand toward him when he quickly grabbed the trash can next to his bed and started throwing up.

Without a second thought she ran toward his kitchen to bring him a cup of water.

Entering his bedroom once again, she found him sitting on his bedside with his head buried in his hands.

Cup of water in one hand, she slowly walked up to him, she tried to smooth his hair out of the way "Mamo-chan—"

He didn't give her a chance to react, his head shot up, lifting his body off the bed, causing her to drop the cup she was holding. She let out a yelp as he crushed her body to his in a tight embrace.

"Usako," He breathed out brokenly. "you're okay."

Gently wrapping her arms around him, she whispered. "I'm fine Mamo-chan—"

He pulled away from her, eyes wide in panicked fear as he checked over her body as if he'd find any bruises or cuts on her body. When his eyes landed on her legs he let out a strangled cry.

"Usako what… how?… did I?—"

Reading his thoughts she almost shouted. "Mamo-chan, no!" Grabbing his hand, she led them to his bed. "Relax, it's nothing, I tripped and fell on my way over here. By tomorrow it'll be gone."

He looked at her wearily. Not believing her.

Her small gentle hands cupped his face. "What's going on Mamo-chan? Are you okay?"

He looked away in shame and guilt.

"Mamo—"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered brokenly.

"Tell you what?" She asked confused.

His head whipped back to face her. Eyes bloodshot filled with pain. "All the horrible things I said and did to you."

Her heart broke. She knew what he was talking about. She saw as tears started making their way down his face.

"You told me that it wasn't important to know. How could you keep something like this from me?" He croaked.

She didn't understand how or why those unnecessary memories came back.

Somehow after being brainwashed under Beryl's spell and falling victim of Nehelenia's clutches, Mamoru couldn't remember a thing about it. He claimed it was like waking up from a coma, not knowing what was happening around him. She swore to herself then she wouldn't burden him with those awful memories knowing full well how he'd react.

"It wasn't you—"

"I almost killed you!—"

"It wasn't you!"

"Twice!—"

She let herself fall on her knees in front of him. Grabbing his trembling hands she pleaded with him. "Mamo-chan, it WASN'T you. They had you under a spell—"

"How could you still be with me after everything I did to you?"

"Because it wasn't you! Listen to me. Mamo-chan they used you to get to me… but even then you couldn't kill me. Even when you were being influenced by them there was a part of you that couldn't bring yourself to bring me harm—"

"But I saw all the things I did to you, I nearly choked you to death Usako, the things they made me say to you… do to you." He had a look of disgust, his eyes full of agony.

"I don't blame you Mamo-chan, you were told to do those things. It wasn't you. I know you. You would NEVER hurt me like that on purpose. Please Mamo-chan, don't blame this on yourself." She needed him to understand, this wasn't his fault. That yes it was him who physically hurt her, but he was being controlled in both occasions.

"How? How can I be with you knowing full well what I did… What if it happens again? I don't want to hurt you Usako." He sobbed into his hands.

She felt the tears slip past her eyes. She stood up and brought his hands away from his face. Standing in between his legs she brought her hands to cup his face once more. "You're hurting me by pushing me away." Her voice breaking. She hated that he kept this to himself, pushing her away instead of dealing with it together.

He shook his head.

"Mamo-chan don't you get it? I need you just as much as you need me." Whispering softly as she kissed his tears away. "Please don't let this keep us apart. We'll get through this together, just like everything else."

He clung to her body, trembling as he cried, his face buried against her midsection. Running her fingers through his hair she stopped when he turned his face up to face her.

"Usako, spend the night with me?" His voice croaked in a whisper.

She nodded. "Of course, Mamo-chan." Sending him a teary smile. He didn't need to ask, she was planning on staying with him whether he asked or not. Giving him a small peck on his nose, she released herself from him.

She picked up the cup from the floor and was about to make her way to the kitchen when he grabbed her hand. She turned to face him.

"Don't… don't leave." He pleaded.

Usagi looked confused for a brief moment before taking in his appearance. He looked alarmed and scared. Almost afraid that he'd lose her. Realizing just how bad those nightmares must have been, she'd know, she lived them, she realized he was fearful this was all a dream and she'd disappear if he took his eyes away from her.

"Okay." She whispered softly. Following him back to his bed she placed the empty cup on his nightstand. Usagi made a mental note to clean up the puddle of spilled water tomorrow morning.

Climbing both into bed, she gave him a quick kiss goodnight on the lips. Before she could pull away, Mamoru cupped her face and deepened their kiss. She felt the gentleness yet urgency.

Returning the kiss she wrapped her arms around his neck as she straddled his lap flush against her. Pulling away from the kiss to get some air, she felt his lips trail wet and open kisses along her neck, his hands now running over her back until they settled on her hips. She let out a half whimper half moan as he nipped and sucked on the tender area behind her ear, while his hands now roamed over her naked skin under his shirt.

She shuddered and let out a gasp as his lips sucked on one of her breasts through his shirt while his other hand cupped her rear. "Mamo-chan—"

"Usako, I need you." He said words muffled against the now damp cloth.

Noting the urgency and vulnerability in his voice. She relented. It wasn't the first time they'd had sex, far from it. But it was the first time he'd openly suggested it. She knew he needed it. Needed to feel as close as possible to her. To know that she was here with him.

Bringing her naked body closer to his warm one, she covered their bodies with his comforter. His breathing had evened out, indicating he'd fallen asleep. She felt as one of his arms snaked around her waist. Resting her head against his chest, she brought her hand and settled it over his heart. His heart rate slowing down.

Closing her eyes briefly she recalled a conversation they had a few years back.

She had been introduced to another female classmate, Ritzuko. She had bumped into them while they were out shopping for ice cream. A beautiful and tall young woman, curves in all the right places, with locks the color of the richest chocolate brown. In her opinion she was everything that Mamoru would desire in a woman. Intelligent, beautiful, quiet, and sophisticated. Everything Usagi wasn't. The worst part was, she couldn't play the jealousy card, the young girl didn't flirt with Mamoru, she took notice of Usagi right away, introduced herself, and even included her in the conversation she was having with Mamoru.

Now at his place, both sitting on his couch. Usagi watched as her bowl of ice cream slowly melted. A pensive look on her face. Her lack of enthusiasm didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Usako, is everything okay?"

She nodded mutely.

She didn't feel jealousy. Bubbling deep inside her was an intense feeling of insecurity and confusion. 'Why was Mamoru with me?' He was a gorgeous looking man. He was intelligent, kind, and goal oriented. Everything a woman desired in a man. She couldn't fathom what a guy like him could possibly see in her.

Taking a deep breath, she put her bowl of ice cream in his coffee table. Putting on a brave face she turned to face him.

"Why me?"

"Wha—" his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Why—- why are you with me?"

Releasing a deep breath, he ran a hand through his hair. "Usako—"

"I just want to know."

"Does this have anything to do with Ritzuko-san, because—"

She shook her head. "This isn't about her, this is…. I just—" turning her face away from his. "I don't understand why you're with me Mamo-chan." Her voice in a low whisper.

She heard as Mamoru put his bowl of ice cream down on his coffee table. One of his large warm hands caught her by the chin and turned her towards him.

"What's there to understand Usako?"

She yanked herself away from him, standing up off the couch. She flailed her arms indignantly, an incredulous look on her face. "Are you kidding me!?—"

"Usa—"

"Mamoru what are you even doing wasting your time with me!?" Angry tears pooled in her eyes. She was upset, not at Mamoru, but at herself. Why couldn't she control her outbursts? Why was she such a child? Why couldn't she be better, if not for her, for him? Mamoru deserved better.

Sagging her shoulders in defeat she moved toward his balcony. Too ashamed to meet her boyfriend's eyes, she gazed out toward the city as the sun began to descend into the horizon. Feeling like a child, she wrapped her arms around herself, hands tugging against the material of her long sleeve shirt. 'What does he see in me anyway?'she thought to herself.

She couldn't stop the silent tears from falling. Two strong but gentle arms embraced her in a hug, she allowed herself to bury her face against his chest not caring that she was getting his shirt wet. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, until she felt him rest his chin on top of her head, holding her a little tighter in their embrace.

"What's this about Usako?" He whispered gently.

Usagi shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head against his shirt.

"Usa—"

"I— I just don't understand what's so great about me…" removing herself from his embrace, wiping the tears from her face. She made her way to sit on the couch. "I suck at school, I'm loud, I'm the biggest klutz in the world, I get crazy jealous, I whine a lot, I cry easily,'' she gestured toward her face to emphasize her point. "I constantly eat my heart out.." she paused as Mamoru moved the bowls of ice cream aside and sat on the coffee table to face her. Her nose scrunched in disgust and she let out a pitiful groan. "Don't forget I tend to get drunk at fancy events and talk about nonsense like the 'science of pudding'... pudding! What's wrong with me!? Of all the things there is to talk about with future surgeons and doctors and I talk about pudding!... I don't know what I was thinking then, it's not even one of the world's best desserts—" She let out a squeak as Mamoru's lips cut her off. A small gentle press of a kiss.

"You were rambling Odango." He said mumbling against her lips. A smile on his.

Usagi threw herself against the couch, releasing a huff and crossing her arms. "Great, another thing to add on my list of defects."

She sent Mamoru a glare when he started chuckling.

Rubbing small small circles with his thumb as his hand rested on her knee, he wore a lopsided smile. "Those aren't defects Usako, those are quirks."

Still keeping her arms crossed, she raised an eyebrow at him. He let out a small chuckle as he reached to grasp her hands, pulling her into a sitting position. Mamoru held one hand while cupping one of her cheeks. "It's what makes you so uniquely you."

Usagi met his gaze. "Mamo-chan, that's just it. How can you possibly be okay to be with someone like me?" She whispered softly.

"Usa—"

"I mean, there are a ton of girls, smart, sophisticated, and beautiful girls who you'd be better off with Mamo-chan," she paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't… there's nothing special about me." Her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she looked toward the floor.

She felt as Mamoru moved his coffee table back, making more space to kneel in front of her. Bringing her hands toward his lips, he planted a warm and firm kiss on them. "Everything about you is special Usako." He whispered softly against the soft skin of her hands.

She tried to free herself from his hold, but he held her in a tighter grip. Letting the tears come out of frustration. "I'm not talking about being Serenity or being Sailor Moon—"

"Neither am I." He interrupted. Gently wiping her tears with the pad of his thumbs. "Usagi is plenty of special, if not to all, definitely to me. I love everything about you, Usako. I love that you wear your heart and emotions on your sleeve. I love that big heart of yours that's always willing to help others, no matter at what costs. I love that your goofy and silly, I love that you do your best to make other people happy. I love that you like trying different things even if you're not the greatest at it. I love that you eat a lot even in front of me because it proves how comfortable you are with me. And I may not love your grades because I KNOW you can do better, but I secretly like that you have a hard time with school because it gives me the chance to tutor and study with you…" giving her a cheeky grin at that admission. "Usa, I love you for being you… and if I'm being honest, there's no one in the world who could get away with talking about the 'science of pudding' or nonsense to a bunch of med students and prestigious doctors and still look absolutely adorable. Only you could do that."

She wanted to protest but before she could, he brought his lips against hers. Pulling away from her, he mumbled against her lips, "You are one of a kind Usako."

Getting up from his position, he sat himself on the couch, bringing Usagi to sit on his lap.

Bringing her head to rest against his shoulder and resting a hand over his heart she whispered. "Do you really mean that Mamo-chan?"

Instead of answering her question, he asked her another. "Do you know what a nightingale is Usako?"

Raising her head from his shoulder she gave him a confused look, a brow raised quizzically. "Uh, a bird?"

"Do you know what they symbolize?"

Still not understanding this change of topic she shook her head slowly.

Looking in front of him at nothing in particular, he pressed his lips together before answering. "In literature, birds symbolize freedom and strength, it signifies illumination and empowerment. In poetry a nightingale is said to bring peace and clarity to those seeking guidance, especially at night. Due to its singing at night, hence the name nightingale, it represents a light to guide them from the darkness bringing them into the light."

Processing his words, she furrowed her eyebrows together, nodding pensively.

"You're my nightingale, Usako. You bring me out of the darkness and chase my demons away with your light." He said as he looked at her his gaze solely fixed on her.

Not knowing what to say, Usagi looked at Mamoru wide eyed, mouth agape. She could feel her heart do a million flips and somersaults.

Giving her that sweet tender smile that she'd only ever seen him give to her he continued. "Other girls may be able to meet my 'intellectual standards' but you're the only girl that brings light into my life Usako. There's no one in this world who can make me feel the way you do. It's with you when I feel the most alive and complete, all at the same time."

Rubbing small circles in her knee. She saw as he bit his lip before going on. "Before you came into my life I had nothing to look forward to, except maybe med school, but ever since you came barreling into my life, literally," he gave her a knowing look that caused her to blush. "it's different. Everything I was ever afraid of; my nightmares, being alone, not having a family… you took that away, not my school, nor my dream of becoming a doctor. It's YOU."

This time the tears that fell from her eyes were accompanied by a smile. She threw her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her in that sweet embrace of his. She lightly pressed her lips to his, softly mumbling, "I love you, Mamo-chan." At those words Mamoru pressed her body closer to his, deepening the kiss before whispering, "I love you too, Usako."

Minutes later after they pulled away from each other they sat on his couch, Usagi on his lap with her head resting against his shoulder again. They were enjoying the comfortable silence when Mamoru spoke up.

"You know, you left out a really big 'defect' on that list of yours." He said playfully.

"Hmm?"

"You forgot to mention that you squeal a lot." He said mumbling against her temple, a playful smirk forming on his lips.

Keeping her head against his shoulder, she swatted him on the arm. "I do not squeal Mamo—" She was interrupted as she let out a high pitched squeal in that Usagi way followed by loud boisterous laughter as Mamoru started tickling her mercilessly.

"I don't know Odango, that sounds like squealing to me." Laughing along with her while still tickling her.

Opening her eyes she was met with his light snoring. A small smile played on her lips as she took in his features, she finally saw a peaceful look on his face, resembling that of a young child succumbing to slumber. Even though she wanted to ask him more about his nightmares, how or when he got those memories back, she'd wait until tomorrow.

Just like he'd told her a few years back, that she chased his demons and fears away she promised to herself that she'd do the same this time. Giving him a kiss on the cheek, she felt him snuggle his head against hers, tightening his hold on her. She whispered softly into the night, "I'll always be your nightingale, Mamo-chan."

…

A/N

I'm still new to all this, so if you're gonna comment please be nice. I accept constructive criticism but like Colossians 4:6 says "let your words always be gracious, seasoned with salt…" in other words be friendly in your wording.

I hope you enjoyed!


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